Blame It On The Pain Episode 28
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π§ Blame It On The Pain TWENTY EIGHT:
βI don’t buy it. We weren’t doing anything wrong. And I don’t think people would say sht if they knew the way you saved me. If they knew the way you stepped in when no one else did.β
He stayed silent, but I continued probing. βWhat’s the real reason, Ford? You’ve always been honest with me.β
He looked down, avoiding my gaze. βI already told you. It wasn’t appropriate.β
I smacked the steering wheel again. βBullsht.β
βWould you quit doing that!β he shouted. βYou’re gonna hurt yourself.β
βStop avoiding my question, Ford.β
βI already answered the question,β he ground out.
I slammed the steering wheel again, harder this time.
βStop it!β
βMake me.β
He grabbed my wrists. βStop acting like a child.β
βStop treating me like one then. And tell me the truth!β
βHow many times do I have to say it? It wasn’t appropriate, Alyssa.β
I struggled against him. βWhy? You never did anything wrong. So what exactly was it about our relationship that wasn’t appropriate?β
βDmmit, Alyssa. Me. My thoughts. The way I was starting to look at you, think about you. Feel about you. Nothing about it was appropriate.β
And just like that, the smoke screen was lifted and my heart soared into orbit.
βHow could it not be appropriate when I thought the same things?β
βBecause you’re a child. I’m an adult. I should know better.β
βI’m not a child.β
βYeah, well. You’re not an adult, either.β
βI’m in love with you, Ford. I always have been. I always will be.β
He closed his eyes. βDon’t say stuff like that.β
βWhy not? It’s the truth.β
βYou’re my best friend’s little girl. I was there at the hospital the day you were born for crying out loud. Do you know how disgusting that makes me feel? I want to wash my mind out with bleach every single time I think about you. Do you know how wrong everything about this is?β
βThen I’ll wait.β I swallowed hard. βI’ll wait until it’s not wrong anymore. H’ll, I’ll wait for you forever.β
βThat’s the thing, Alyssa. I don’t know when it would ever be right between us.β
βThen I might as well do this,β I said before I leaned over the center console and kssed him.
I expected him to push me away, to start yelling about how it wasn’t appropriate again. Instead, he groaned and pulled me closer to him as his tongue skated over mine.
Heat coursed through me and I reached for his belt buckle.
That’s when he stopped me.
βNo. You’re not ready for that, yet. You deserve more than some cheap fk in a car with some old man for your first time.β
I reached for his belt again. βOkay, so let me take care of you then.β
He pulled away. βNo.β He sighed. βListen to me and listen good. You are beautiful and special. You’re not some wh’re. You’re a good girl, you understand me?β
I shrugged. βI thought I’d do something to make you happy. I thought you wanted me.β
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. βI do.β He looked down. βClearly that isn’t the issue here.β
βSo what’s the problem?β
βGee, I don’t know. Where do I begin? Oh, that’s right. How about the fact that what we’re doing is illegal. Use your head. You got accepted into NYU, didn’t you?β
βOkay, so when can we take the next step then?β He muttered something under his breath. βHow about when you’re old enough.β
βCan we still do other stuff?β
He raised an eyebrow. βLike what?β
βLike what we were doing before? You know, kssing.β
His lips twitched. βWell you can’t un-ring a bell, now can you?β
He leaned in so that I was pressed against my seat. βSo beautiful,β he whispered before his lips landed on mine.
βSo does this mean you and Penelope are over?β I asked between ksses. βI’ll break up with Toby first thing tomorrow.β
His hand stopped moving midway up my thigh. βI can’t just break up with her,β he said. βI asked her to marry me. The wedding’s this summer.β
I pushed him off me. βYou what? How could you? I thought you were in love with me?β
He exhaled sharply and adjusted himself. βI am. I just never thought thisββ He gestured between us. βWould ever happen.β
βOkay, and now that it has you can let her down easy.β
He looked at me like I sprouted another head. βAnd say what? That I’m in love with my deceased partner’s daughter? Who by the fking way isn’t even 18 yet.β
βMaybe not in those exact words, but yeah. Something along those lines.β
He shook his head. βYou don’t get it, do you?β
βEvidently not. Why don’t you catch me up to speed, special agent,β I bit out.
βNo one can ever know about us. It will always be wrong, no matter how we feel about one another. I have a reputation to protect. I’m a trusted officer of the law for Pete’s sake.β
βBut, I thoughtβ¦β
βYou thought wrong, sweetheart.β He grabbed my face between both of his hands. βLook, if you can’t handle this. Then it’s best we stop right here, right now.β
I swiped at the tears on my face. βI can’t stand the thought of you with someone else, Ford.β
βThat’s the way it has to be.β
βI don’t know if I can deal with that.β
βThen after tonight, forget about us. I’ll always be there if you ever really need me, but I have to separate myself from you. It’s too hard to be around you. You invade my senses until the only thing I see is you.β
βBut I love you.β
He kssed me tenderly. βAnd I love you. That’s why it’s so difficult.β
I pulled him into another one. Our mo uths coming together in a rough and needy mess. His hand slipped back down to my th!gh. βDmmit. You have no idea how much I want y ou. How much I’ve dreamed about this moment. How much I’ve je rked o ff to visions of you writhing underneath me.β
βThen marry me. Not her.β
His hand moved higher, raising the denim of my sk irt to the level of my und erwear. βI wish I could, sweetheart. Trust me.β
βYou can. Who cares what other people think and say. We can live in our own little bubble.β
βThat’s not the way the world works,β he grumbled.
βSo let’s make our own world.β
βWe can’t. Now you can either learn to accept it or not. But I’m marrying Penelope. It’s happening. Me and her make sense together.β
I tried to push him off me again but he didn’t budge. βWell, I don’t accept it. It should be me. She’ll never love you the way I do.β
I didn’t even realize how hard the tears were falling until Ford had stopped kssing me. βDon’t you get it now? We can’t be together. You can’t even handle kssing me without getting hysterical.β
His words lit a fury in me and before I could stop myself, I sIapped him across the cheek. βId!ot.β
He looked as surprised as I felt. He bit my lip and kssed me harder. βThat’s right. I am an id!ot. And innocent little girl like you need to stay far away and stop provoking the beast.β
βWhat if I love the beast? What if I accept him for all that he is?β
His fingers grazed over my pa nties. βWho does this belong to?β
I trailed ksses up his neck. βI think you know the answer to that.β
βSay it, Alyssa.β
βIt’s yours.β
βIs it?β
I nodded. βYou know it is.β
βEven after I marry Penelope? Is it still mine then?β
βI don’t want to think about that, Ford.β
βWell think about it, because it’s happening.β He slipped a finger inside the material. βWill you still wait for me then? Will you still allow me to be the first? The only? No matter how much time has passed between us?β
I held my breath as his fi nger continued to st roke me. βAnswer me.β
βYes. I’ll wait for you.β
βPromise me.β
βI promise.β
TO BE CONTINUED